Let’s talk about Findom:

Let me start by saying that this is not a personal attack targeted towards any Domme/FinDomme or the way you play but my subjective opinion, understanding, and execution and it might offend some of you but I can’t stay quiet about this anymore. I’ll be focusing more on online findom but this also applies to in person findom.

I’m honestly sickened to my core watching Dommes butcher findom. Every single day a Domme pops up on my X (formerly twitter) claiming to be a FinDomme and I highly doubt that they have any idea what it really is other than draining a sub’s wallet and calling him a pig.

There's this standard set of vocabulary words that have been overused, and they've just turned into clichés. They have very similar toxic and potentially dangerous enabling narratives that they follow and many think of it to be an impersonal “easy quick money” scheme that for the most part requires the bare minimum and care from the Domme. I disagree. I totally disagree and this is not findom; to some extent this is exploitation.

Findom is categorized under Edge play. Edge play is a more extreme type of BDSM play that involves risks whether physical, emotional, and psychological damage that can range from temporary to not so temporary damage if practiced wrong or carelessly. So Findom falls under RACK (risk aware consensual kink) and not SSC (safe, sane, consensual kink) and I personally believe that only Dommes with years of practice and experience should be doing it. Findom is a form of using money as a toy. As a symbol of sacrifice and inferiority. It is not about genuinely ruining a subs' life. Findom is DANGEROUS and life-altering if done wrong and here I am watching the world fucking burn.

You have to understand something, what findom is NOT: Findom is not transactional, findom is not impersonal, findom pigs are not your toy, findom is not easy money. It’s a given that as Dommes we have the responsibility of taking care of our subs/clients. This does not mean that the sub/client should be giving up responsibility for themselves but I strongly believe and in many plays the Domme holds more accountability than the latter.

Now where does this all go wrong? Is that findom is misunderstood and is being used incorrectly coerced by many many internal and external factors. One uncommonly known factor regards the websites or platforms we use to offer services and sell content. They encourage femdom whether directly or indirectly because they benefit from it. They benefit from getting %10 to up to %40 of your earnings through whatever website you’re using but they never tell you the dangers of it. There’s been thousands of articles on well known websites (such as The Cosmopolitan) with titles such as “How I Get Men to Give Me Money for No Reason”, “How I make $2000 per day”, “Want men to shower you with money? Here’s how!” that in my opinion further tarnishes and confuses the meaning of true findom. Other factors are through exposure and imitation through basic research and findom profiles on social media.

What many see publicly is not what happens in private. I've seen subs getting rejected because they’re “not rich enough”, I’ve seen some in terrible psychological states after succumbing to their addiction and relapsing. I’ve had a finsub call me crying telling me about how he sold his house so that he can satisfy his Domme’s lifestyle so that she wouldn’t ignore him and then wanted to send me a $500 tribute which I did not hesitate to answer with a “fuck no”. Is he at fault for doing so? Yes. Was he suffering from a severe form of addiction? Yes. The Domme totally knew about this and enabled his behavior for her own benefit knowing that this person had a problem and needed immediate help. That’s what’s wrong with our world. Findom addiction is real, it is there, I’ve seen it with my own eyes and no one is selfless enough to help and know when to stop. I don't care how much money you make out of a person…what kind of person are you to enable and encourage someone to ruin their life to the point of no return?

Some people need therapy. This is a legit addiction, an addiction like many others such as drug addictions or gambling. An addiction that brings instant hedonistic pleasure. As humans, we chase it, we want it…and this addiction, this instant pleasure doesn’t only affect the sub, it affects Dommes as well. Instant pleasure. When is it enough? When does it stop? They relapse…and come again.

As a Domme it is my duty and responsibility to assess the person in front of me if they are mentally stable enough to play or not and reject service when I ought to do so. I do practice findom but findom is not a joke and should never be taken lightly. If you are unwilling to pay attention to your sub/client, are greedy, you feel like you need to satisfy your fin-craving, you are unable to communicate effectively, struggle to identify if your sub/client has a problem, unable to address their issue and provide help, please refrain from offering your findom services and go read. Findom is not for you (yet).